D.T.R-Defining The Relationship

I know, I know, I sound like a teen movie. It’s so cliche of me *insert eye rolling emoji* right? But this has been a tough week in showing me true value in relationships I have/had. The smoke and mirrors in my world have been lifted and I’m seeing real people, and real situations. So without sounding like another teen movie, I present to you……the DTR!

I’ve had a good, best (?) friend since my freshman year of high school. This girl was my rider. I let her in, she saw the best and the worst of me. She saw the “sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on” part of me (thank you Drake). Years of highs and lows for us both, and then the defining moment happened, for me, that’s honestly pretty much shattered me.

Now, in perspective, this is a weird time for us both because tables have turned. I needed her companionship more than she needed mine, and that left our friendship in new untested waters. Backtrack, little history about me, I am one to break my “maximum amount” limits often, especially when it comes to people I care about. Unfortunately, I am a people pleaser, at my own demise. Fast track forward; here I am, looking for my friend, to wallow in my postpartum woes. But as I entered postpartum, she entered a new brighter chapter, and so the scales were tipped to my disadvantage. This left me a vulnerable “hot mess” as I tried to showcase a happiness that I didn’t feel in order to keep up. I drowned and fell farther behind which contributed to more misery.

It was one late August morning when the scale finally broke. I was tired of putting on the facade that I was happy for her, tired of trying to include her in my future plans and work around her “isms”, I was just TIRED. I needed things to feel like they were about me, and my happiness for once. I had quietly moved my family to a new home, in a completely different town, and uprooted from the home I’ve known for half my life. It was a freeing move, because everything thereafter was put in place by INTENTION and ACTION. If my friend had the INTENTION of keeping up with me, she would put in the ACTION. For weeks I waited and waited to see that action, but was only met with cancelled plans and unanswered calls/texts. So here I am, in my head again trying to figure out why this woman, and others before, have called off their friendships with ME?! I mean, I think I’m pretty dope, relentlessly loyal, and unabashedly present for my closest confidants. So why would people want to stop being friends with me?

Here’s the thing. It’s less about me as the person, and more about the definition of our relationship. I used to be a brick house, hardworking, making moves and making money. That type of bossed up lifestyle definitely attracted many boss b*tches, and many that needed the aura of the lifestyle to thrive. But when I gently tumbled down the pedestal to the “hot mess”, still trying to figure it out and get on track mama, I can say with certainty the nature of our friendship changed. Actually, ALL my friendships changed. I found my real boss b*tch friends running to my rescue to fix my crown, and I found others running from my life to maintain their own.

So back to the DTR. The defining moment was not when I took the tumble and started losing friends. The defining moment was on that late August day, when I realized my real friends never left. It was on the basis of the real ones, that I was able to identify and define the relationship I had with others. Freeing, to say the least!

PS–after writing this, I legit had to text my girls and let them know I appreciate them sticking by me and fixing my crown. I’m so glad to have finally released my feelings.

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