Thinking BIGGER

Do you ever meet people that just think sooooo small? They’re always so negative, pessimistic, the real life “Debbie Downers”?! In this business I come across so many people that have been told “NO” so many times, when I tell them “YES” they’re automatically skeptical. Always looking for the flaw, waiting anxiously for the plan to go awry. See this beauty here? She carries a piece of my soul, but when I met her eons ago, I couldn’t even get her to smile in pictures. My, how far we have come! Her mind has transformed, she is open to any, and EVERYTHING. Trust me. I hit her with the WILDEST of conundrums, and she has ALWAYS followed through. Saying I am excited for her bigger thinking and her forward movement, but excited doesn’t encompass the pride. It is amazing how surrounding yourself with the right people can really transform your thought process and catapult you into a new dimension of opportunity.

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Shifting Focus

So, I’ve been bouncing ideas off one of my fellow Momprenuer lately, and listening to her talk about “shifting focus” from one audience to another, has got me thinking of my own audience. When I sit here and tell you I’m “for the people”, it’s been about generally EVERYONE. I’ve been all inclusive; any gender, any race, any familial status, any orientation. Really, because I legit, don’t care who needs the message, everyone should have it. But now I’m thinking, “well, who really cares to hear this?” So here’s my dilemma; who is reading this? Am I hitting with moms starting a business? Are passersby finding a little humor here? Are you already successful people cracking up at my naivety? Am I writing for the millennial generation who’s only reading up to 140 characters (including emojis) at a time? Are you real readers enjoying my tangents?

In shifting my focus to be more conscious of who is actually picking up what I’m putting down, it requires me to step out of the box a little more going forward. I know, like how much more in depth could I be? In my videos you hear my kids crying in the background, sometimes my house is a mess, lots of times there are crumbs in my car, HOW MUCH MORE CAN I GIVE?? Well, honestly, a lot. Your glimpses are broad right now because my spectrum is broad. Once my niche is secured, things become a little more personal. When the focus is shifted, the content is shifted to accommodate my audience. See how that works?

 

 

 

 

Why do we have to change??

I am, for lack of better terms, very laid back. Laissez faire. Nothing governs what I do, or how I succeed. My story is of a young single mom moving 1200 miles away from all family, abusive and toxic relationship, and keeping the entrepreneurial spirit and fire alive. And in my plight of coming out of that toxicity, and growing into an actual, mature adult, I became stuck in a rut. Like a real rut. I had kids back to back and just lost my sense of self in between it all. I quit my job (ya’ll already know) knowing I have the mind and means to make money, but not finding the right attitude or desire inside me to try. I joined a young real estate team (just starting out, only a few members) and noticed the many type A personalities that surrounded me. Then I had to wonder, well why am I here??

See, unlike my teammates/counterparts, I am not even close to type A. I don’t jump at the opportunity to speak to people, I don’t have a voice that stops a room, I don’t even have a presence that commands attention from anyone. I mean I’m with people that love talking, breathing, and drinking real estate more than anything in this world! They are all engaging beautiful people. My team looks like a SoCal reality TV cast. So what the heck am I doing here again? Well, I can say I started this post 8 months ago, and I’m JUST now finding the answer to this question.

What am I doing here? Well, I’m doing ME here. I’m bringing that gritty, I’m going to do what I have to do, get it done by any means necessary-ness, to a group of people that don’t think the same. I’m bringing my love of people over my love of money and titles. I don’t give a rat’s ass what I’m making, especially if I know I am putting the right kind of people, MY kind of people, into a home, or connecting them with resources they would not have otherwise found if not for me. I don’t look like that SoCal reality TV cookie cutter cast member, but I’m also not too shabby myself! I am cusping on 30 and I can still work it with the best of ’em. I can drive the boat with Megan Thee Stallion! I mean, in perspective, I popped out 3 kids, 2 of which were back to back, so I’m not sure what I expected to look or feel like 8 months ago, but I’d say I’m doing a damn good job of creating my own beauty standards and career lane. I’m not copying anyone, not stepping on any toes, and I bring real life and real love to what I’m doing. Why do we need to change? Well, honestly, we likely don’t. Because what are we changing for? To fit someone else’s unattainable standards? As humans in general, we make it our job to measure ourselves to other people all the time, whether or not they are similar in situation to us. Why are we changing ourselves for THOSE people? Why aren’t we leaders enough to create our own lane and our own roles in our own lives?

See, 8 months ago I started this post because I thought I wasn’t enough. I watched my team killing it, and it hurt to be the ass-dragging team member. Because 8 months ago I started following Suzy Q on Instagram and saw that Suzy Q was able to pop out 3 kids back to back, work out, go back to work like a boss, and dominate in her field. And 8 months ago the cumulation of all these things made me feel impossibly miserable because I wanted to show my highlight reel to the world as well. But you know what I’m saying, 8 months later? Screw Suzy! I’m good love, enjoy!

D.T.R-Defining The Relationship

I know, I know, I sound like a teen movie. It’s so cliche of me *insert eye rolling emoji* right? But this has been a tough week in showing me true value in relationships I have/had. The smoke and mirrors in my world have been lifted and I’m seeing real people, and real situations. So without sounding like another teen movie, I present to you……the DTR!

I’ve had a good, best (?) friend since my freshman year of high school. This girl was my rider. I let her in, she saw the best and the worst of me. She saw the “sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on” part of me (thank you Drake). Years of highs and lows for us both, and then the defining moment happened, for me, that’s honestly pretty much shattered me.

Now, in perspective, this is a weird time for us both because tables have turned. I needed her companionship more than she needed mine, and that left our friendship in new untested waters. Backtrack, little history about me, I am one to break my “maximum amount” limits often, especially when it comes to people I care about. Unfortunately, I am a people pleaser, at my own demise. Fast track forward; here I am, looking for my friend, to wallow in my postpartum woes. But as I entered postpartum, she entered a new brighter chapter, and so the scales were tipped to my disadvantage. This left me a vulnerable “hot mess” as I tried to showcase a happiness that I didn’t feel in order to keep up. I drowned and fell farther behind which contributed to more misery.

It was one late August morning when the scale finally broke. I was tired of putting on the facade that I was happy for her, tired of trying to include her in my future plans and work around her “isms”, I was just TIRED. I needed things to feel like they were about me, and my happiness for once. I had quietly moved my family to a new home, in a completely different town, and uprooted from the home I’ve known for half my life. It was a freeing move, because everything thereafter was put in place by INTENTION and ACTION. If my friend had the INTENTION of keeping up with me, she would put in the ACTION. For weeks I waited and waited to see that action, but was only met with cancelled plans and unanswered calls/texts. So here I am, in my head again trying to figure out why this woman, and others before, have called off their friendships with ME?! I mean, I think I’m pretty dope, relentlessly loyal, and unabashedly present for my closest confidants. So why would people want to stop being friends with me?

Here’s the thing. It’s less about me as the person, and more about the definition of our relationship. I used to be a brick house, hardworking, making moves and making money. That type of bossed up lifestyle definitely attracted many boss b*tches, and many that needed the aura of the lifestyle to thrive. But when I gently tumbled down the pedestal to the “hot mess”, still trying to figure it out and get on track mama, I can say with certainty the nature of our friendship changed. Actually, ALL my friendships changed. I found my real boss b*tch friends running to my rescue to fix my crown, and I found others running from my life to maintain their own.

So back to the DTR. The defining moment was not when I took the tumble and started losing friends. The defining moment was on that late August day, when I realized my real friends never left. It was on the basis of the real ones, that I was able to identify and define the relationship I had with others. Freeing, to say the least!

PS–after writing this, I legit had to text my girls and let them know I appreciate them sticking by me and fixing my crown. I’m so glad to have finally released my feelings.
 

Wine by 9

I’m not sure what’s come over me today, but, in the words of the great Jim Carey, “I’m feeling a little FRISKY!”. Well, probably more so RISKY! I have yelled for the millionth time this morning, my youngest INSISTS on sitting ON MY LAPTOP, not lap, laptop, and my oldest has called my name at least half a billion times, for nothing at all! Insane, right? When I have days like this, there is always one thing I can look forward to, and that is ‘wine by 9’. I don’t care what trials and tribulations have plagued me through my Sunday. All I know is that everyone better be in bed by 8 so I don’t miss the “wine down” for 9p. I stick to the “Wine by 9” schedule (and mentality) because it helps me get through the tougher days, it’s something I can look forward to. The wine, I don’t care much for, but the WINDING DOWN part is my serenity. What a way to #selfcare.

Okay…okay…this is HARD!

You can think out every aspect to making a grand change, but you cannot account for everything. I say this now, with the utmost understanding. Boy oh boy is this hard!

So to catch you all up, my last working day was 5/25/18. I was the Momtreprenuerial Warrior! She-rah! Hear me roar! All that good stuff. Fast forward, 7/27/18, I am the “ermahgoooosh what am I gonna do????”, “who I gotta cry to?”, “we about to finesse these damn bills!” lady. Obviously, I knew there would be difficult months, especially in the beginning, but man it’s HARD! I’m sharing this struggle with you all because I honestly don’t believe all the women entrepreneurial books show this struggle. Not to say that every one of you will go through this hardship, there are many of you ladies that are much more analytical than I, and can account for the rough times, and have a stronger in house support system. That’s not my situation and I’m not one of those people. I am the “screw it, just do it” girl, and I pride myself in that. I won’t change myself, I’ll change my circumstances. So let me tell you what I missed in my pursuit for freedom.

Literally, EVERYTHING. I didn’t account for the down days, the boring days, the days where pregnant me didnt feel like moving or the days the kids were doing everything under the sun to hinder my greatness. I didnt account for the days I’d be lugging kids around to my showings and meetings, when I’d be paying for my meals, my kids’ meals, and my clients’ meals. The summer days where my head was in the right place, but it was too hot to put plans to action. Thoughts even as minuscule as what I would be wearing or how I would be feeling, never even crossed my mind! And why is that so important? It made me second guess a lot. There are people that couldn’t see my vision. I am constantly proving myself, so the fact that I did not account for these harder days set my mental back tremendously. I wasted days rethinking my decision, applying for temp jobs, and looking for post partum work, because I thought I made a mistake. Really accounting for rough periods, would entail having an idea, not just how I’m going to get my family by, but how am I going to push forward mentally. This was as much a mental, as well as fiscal preparation that needed to happen and I dropped the ball. When the backlash started, I wasnt me rally prepared to deal with it and still push forward. I let myself down more often than not, in my first 60 days. And of course, I don’t ever want my kids to see my stress and disappointment. So, when I’m telling you it’s been hard, it’s been DIFFICULT! I can’t give advice yet, I’m still treading waters, but once I’ve got answers I’m sharing!

The Revolution will be Televised….

I’m not going to start by saying “this isn’t your typical [insert niche] blog”. That’s far too cliché’. Reality is, I don’t really know what direction this blog will go. There are so many layers to the Krystal onion (thank you Shrek!) I’m not sure where I will take you, or what part of me you will see. And you know what? That is perfectly fine. Continue reading “The Revolution will be Televised….”